That one I deserved
by elizabethk
Summary: What would Jack Sparrow do with his baby? Please read and review :)
1. I believe this is yours

These events happen about one and a half years after Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Please review!  
  
Edit: Well done to all of you who spotted my, erm. deliberate mistake.  
  
"Jack!" He turned around.  
"Cap -" the busty red-head strode up and slapped him hard around the face. "Scarlett!" he exclaimed. "I was meaning to -"  
"Where have you been?" she demanded angrily. He smiled.  
"See, love. When you're a pirate you gotta." he motioned with his hands. "Go with the flow a little, ye know? I got called away. I came back, di'n't I?" She glared at him.  
"After two years." He shrugged. "what do ye say we have a drink and discuss this later. I mean, I'm 'ere now." She shook her head slowly.  
"No, Jack Sparrow. I'm sick a' waitin' aroun' for ye. I'm no' gonna be some girl ye pick up whenever you're in Tortuga. Here, take this. It's yours." She shoved a dirty bundle at him and strode off down the street, followed by wolf-whistles and some drunken men. Jack looked after her for a while, then shrugged. He looked closer at the bundle in his hand and started to move to cloth away. It moved. He froze and very gently unwrapped the bundle. A little face peered up at him. It started to cry.  
"Bloody 'ell." he muttered.  
  
***  
  
"Ana!" he yelled. An angry face appeared at the window.  
"What?" Seeing Jack, she sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you Jack, No!" He shook his head.  
"No, I. Can I come in? It's er. Sorta important."  
"Fine." She shouted. "But be quick." He climbed the stairs and opened the door. Ana was sitting on the bed. She sighed when she saw the baby. "Whose?" He sat down.  
"Well, see."  
"Whose is it, Jack?" He winced.  
Uh, ye've met Scarlett, haven' you." she scowled.  
"When?"  
"I guess it woulda been. Th' night I came 'ere with young Mr Turner. Ye know, before I go' the Pearl again and tha'. Er. ye wan' ta hold it?" He held it out. "Be careful," he warned. "It bites." She chuckled.  
"It?"  
"Oh, is it a boy?"  
"No, it's a girl. Look" she said, touching it's head. "It'll have red hair like it's mother." He frowned.  
"So, er. Do ye want it?" She raised her eyebrow.  
"Are you serious? What would I do with a baby?"  
"I don' know, uh. sing to it or something? What do women do with babies?" She passed the baby back gently.  
"Drown them?" He coughed.  
"Er, well. We could I suppose. But, er. Couldn' we find it a nice home or somethin' I mean, it's so. small." She smirked.  
"What's this? Captain Jack Sparow bein' sentimental, are you? Well, there's no we about the matter. It is, after all, your fault."  
"Hey!" he protested. "it takes two people!" 


	2. Bringing up Baby

The crew looked on with amusement as Jack jiggled the baby up and down on his knee dubiously. He glared at them.  
"What're you all laughin' about?" he asked angrily. Gibbs snickered.  
"'ave you named it yet?"  
"Her!" he replied angrily. "An' I kind of like. Baby."  
"Baby?" Ana snorted. You can't name her that!" He shrugged.  
"Why not?"  
"Because it's silly! And she won't be a baby forever!"  
"So? When she's old enough she'll choose her own name! That's what I did!"  
"You did?" He paused.  
"Well, I didn't specifically change my name until I was twenty. I thought Jack Sparrow sounded more. dashing than." Ana smirked.  
"Than what?" He shook his head.  
"Nothing." She rolled her eyes.  
"And what are you going to do with it anyway?"  
"Her! Well, can't she just come with us?" he lifted her up. "you'd like that, wouldn't you, Baby. You'd like to come on a pirate ship, wouldn't you!" She gurgled happily. He looked at the crew. "See? She wants to come." Gibbs shook his head firmly.  
"No. It's fearful bad luck to 'ave a woman aboard. Even a miniature one." Ana shot him a venomous look. He cowered. "uh. and. well what would you do if there was a fearful storm an' you were needed above deck? What would 'appen to Baby?" Jack contemplated for a bit.  
"She'd get wet." Gibbs raised an eyebrow. Jack grinned at the crew. "Right, then. Who's up for a bit of babysitting? I'm off to the Jolly Roger for a drink." There was silence. He looked around. "Oh, come on. Someone? Ana?" She folded her arms. "What about Cotton? He wants too, don't you Cotton?"  
"Wind in the sails." screeched the parrot. Jack smiled.  
"Excellent." Gibbs shook his head.  
"Tha' was a no, Jack." The captain looked quizzically at him.  
"I see. Well, she'll be okay on her own, of course. You'll be okay, Baby? Daddy will be back soon." He tickled her under the chin. Ana snorted. He glared at her. "What?" She shook her head.  
"Daddy?" He blushed.  
"I, er." She continued.  
"And, yes. There'll be no problem leaving her alone in the house in Tortuga. It'll be fine. No thieves or murderers here." He sighed.  
"Come on, Ana. I really need a drink." She planted her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into the bedroom.  
"There'll be no drinks for you, Captain, until you give up this baby nonsense. After all, you can't be a responsible father drunk, can you?" He pushed her off.  
"You have got to be joking." She smiled.  
"Think of Baby." He groaned.  
"You can't do this to me! It's not fair! Isn' there a human righ; to drink or something?" She shut the door. "Ana! Come back! Hey, you can't. You locked the door! That's cheating!"  
"Pirate." He heard her call through the door. "Have a nice night." 


	3. Need Rum

Thanks to all my reviewers ^_^  
  
***  
  
"Good morning Captain Jack." Ana smiled as the Captain walked past glaring at her with Baby on his shoulders. "How's Baby this morning?" He ignored her.  
"Bloody pirates." He muttered, walking along the cobbled streets. "Bloody Baby, bloody Ana. Need my bloody rum!" Baby giggled. "What's so bloody funny?" he yelled.  
"Need Wum." she gurgled. He smiled  
"Tha's my girl. Need rum indeed." He walked on. He walked down to the harbour and squinted at the boats. Should he go and visit Will and Elizabeth? They could take Baby off his hands. But then again. Maybe it was time for him to settle down. Maybe he was getting old. He sat down on a low wall. Maybe Will and Elizabeth could help him with Baby but he could. stay with them. He didn't need to leave her with them. Now. how to get to Port Royale.?  
"Hey! Come back 'ere, you! Tha' barstard's taken me boat!" the fisherman ran alongside the harbour shaking his fist angrily. "You come back 'ere!" Jack Sparrow sighed. He always felt better at sea with the wind on his face, the sound of the waves beneath him and. a sleeping baby in his arms. He sighed. How had this happened? Why him? He hoped Will and Elizabeth could help him out.  
  
***  
  
"A great man, a great governor. A much loved father. He will be sadly missed." Elizabeth wiped her brimming eyes as the coffin of her father was lowered into the clifftop grave she had chosen. She gripped her husband's hand tight. He planted a kiss on her forehead. She felt him tense up suddenly.  
"What is it?" she whispered.  
"Look." He pointed. In the harbour they could see a majestic figure. A fishing boat was gliding smoothly into the dock, standing on its mast was Jack, his dreadlocks blowing in the wind. There was a scurry of red coats at the landing post. "it's Jack." She swore under her breath.  
"What does he think he's doing? He doesn't expect us to help him, does he?" Will shrugged.  
"I have no idea. Don't worry about it, he's a clever man. He'll sort himself out." She sighed.  
"Don't you think we sort of owe him something?"  
"Owe him something?" Will snorted. "Like what?"  
"Well, he did help you to rescue me." She turned to face him. "I'd be dead if it wasn't for him."  
"And me! I was the one who."  
" I know." She slipped an arm around him. "Can't we just go and see why he's here? For me, Will?" He sighed.  
"Fine then."  
  
***  
  
Jack grinned. "Will my man! How're you? And Liz, looking lovely, love. D'you think you could tell these gen'elmen.." He gestured to the guards who were pointing guns at him. ".tha' I'm a friend a' yours?" He looked pleadingly at them. Will rolled his eyes.  
"Let me deal with him, men." The guards hesitated and looked to Elizabeth.  
"You heard him!" she snapped. "Let him go!" They reluctantly left. Jack patted Will on the back affectionately.  
"Ta very much." Will's attention was drawn to the small bundle Jack was clutching.  
"Jack, that's not."  
"It's my daughter." He grinned. "She's called Baby." 


	4. A decision

Thanks to all my reviewers! Keep reviewing - it encourages me to update :)  
  
-- NOTE ON TIMESCALE: This is set about 1 ½ - 2 years after the film which makes Baby around a year old. Apparently I said my first words around 10 months so she will have been speaking for a bit. Scarlett was looking after her for about a year so it's possible she's picked up a few words and phrases from around the place. ^_^  
  
***  
  
Elizabeth frowned. "So whose is it anyway?"  
Will shrugged. "Scarlett. Just a slapper in Tortuga." She sighed.  
  
"I see." She looked out the window at the balcony where Jack was awkwardly holding Baby over his shoulder. "It's just. I feel we should help him. He did rescue me and." She paused. "I don't know. It's just. we can't."  
"Why not?" She stared at Will.  
"Will! Of course we couldn't! He's a Pirate!"  
"But I would look after him and feed him and keep him clean and."  
She glared. "Jack is not a puppy, Will, even though he may have the mental capacity of one. He's a human being! He's a pirate! He can't just come marching into this town and expect us to take him in and give him constant care and attention. James would arrest us! We'd have no reputation as a respectable couple and we'd probably have to move away. Yes, Jack did help us out before but we returned the favour. We gave him the Pearl! I was just expecting him to. Sail off and drown somewhere and we'd never see him again. I certainly didn't expect him to appear two years later with a baby named Baby." She shook her head. "I mean, honestly. Who names a baby Baby anyway?" He smiled.  
"Jack does." He got up and stood by her. "What about this. What if Jack wasn't Jack?" She looked at him quizzically. "What I mean is. what if Jack wasn't a pirate? This. Baby might be what it takes to get him to settle down. Think about it, Liz." He put his arm around her shoulders. "He could live here. We could teach him how to be respectable. We could help him look after Baby. I mean. Norrington wouldn't recognise him when he's clean." Elizabeth wrinkled her nose.  
"I don't know. I mean. What's in it for us?" Will decided not to mention how much she sounded like Anamaria.  
"Come on, Liz. It might be fun. And underneath all that dirt and eyeliner I think Jack is a good guy. Let's just give him a try." She sighed.  
"Fine then. But a trial only. And if he gets drunk or steals anything or sets fire to anything he's out. And he's your responsibility." Will nodded.  
"Don't worry. It'll be fine."  
  
***  
  
Yes, very short I know! I thought this scene would just work well on it's own. I will add another chapter soon! 


	5. The Rules

"Rule One." Will held up a finger. "No rum." Jack snorted. Will sighed. "What?"  
Jack shook his head. "Nothing, I just. For a moment there I thought you said no rum." Will crossed his arms.  
"I did."  
"Ah. but - "  
"Rule two." Will interrupted. "No swearing." Jack rolled his eyes. "and Rule three: No whores." Jack squinted at Will.  
"Will, mate. What have I ever done t' you?"  
"Come on Jack. You know some things have to change. You can't expect to come here with a baby and keep being a pirate." Jack stood up and put his hands on his hips.  
"Will." He said threateningly. "I will always be a pirate." Will nodded unhappily.  
"I know. But please - for all our sakes. Just try to behave. Please?" Jack grumbled.  
"Fine. But I'm doing this for Baby." Will turned to leave. Jack called out after him. "Will?" he looked back.  
"What?"  
"Did it hurt?"  
Will frowned. "Did what hurt?" The pirate smirked and made a cutting motion with his hand.  
"You know. snip snip." [1] Will marched out, slamming the door.  
  
***  
  
Elizabeth was sitting in her room when she heard something below her. She ran down the stairs to the sitting room. She paused outside the door, she could hear voices yelling. She ran in. Jack and Will were standing facing each other, shouting at each other. Will was brandishing scissors and there was an up-turned chair behind Jack. On the floor between them was. She looked closer. It appeared to be a dead rat. Neither of them had noticed her yet. She cleared her throat.  
"What is going on?" They turned guiltily to look at her. Will spoke first. "I was just." Jack interrupted.  
"This bloody blacksmith started attacking me! I were jus' sittin' 'ere mindin' me own business an' he jus' came in with 'is scissors an' starting chopping off me dreadlocks!" He gestured angrily to the hairy thing on the floor.  
"They have to go Jack!" He appealed to Elizabeth. "We have to clean him up a bit, right?" She paused.  
"Can you. let me speak to Jack on his own?" Will shrugged.  
"Go on then. But I think he's drunk." He left, followed by Jack's protestations that he was, in fact, cone sold stober. Elizabeth sat down by Jack. She smiled tentatively at him. He scowled.  
"Listen Jack." she said. "We don't mind helping you out here; we do owe you but. You have to understand. It's hard for Will and me. After you left it's been really difficult to be accepted back into the community and we've worked very hard at it. We've reached a point where we are respected again and we can't lose that for your sake. Like I said, we are willing to help you with Baby and everything but you have to compromise. You do understand, don't you?" Jack glared at her.  
"No."  
She breathed in and out slowly. "Jack. listen to me. How about if I put it like this? I'm asking you to choose between the rum and Baby." He looked up.  
"What? Why?"  
"Because you can't be a responsible father drunk and you can't live with us drunk." She snapped. "Plus, your breath smells." He glowered.  
"You." He yelled. "are the most aggravating, annoying interfering wench I have ever met in my entire life!" he stamped over to the door. "and I have met a lot of wenches!" the door slammed. She sighed.  
"Jack!"  
  
A/N - Thanks for the reviews - keep them coming in :) I agree with your comments about Elizabeth, I've tried to make her better in this chapter. I do appreciate advice on how to make it a better story and of course lovely positive reviews ^_^  
  
[1] Yes, if you have watched the DVD commentary that's where I got this line from. I couldn't resist putting it in :P 


	6. To be a gentleman

"First off, you walk wrong." Jack frowned.  
"I walk wrong?"  
Will nodded. "You walk like a drunk pirate." Jack raised an eyebrow.  
"Will." He said. "Hate to burst ye're bubble, mate, but I am a drunk pirate. Most of th' time anyway." Will rolled his eyes,  
"Yes, but that's no excuse to walk like this." He grabbed Jack's hat and put it at a jaunty angle. Going to one end of the room he swaggered across to Jack, arms in the air swinging from side to side. When he got back to the sofa he fell unsteadily. Elizabeth, sitting by the window collapsed into hysterics but Jack seemed unimpressed.  
"What, may I ask, was that?" he asked in a bored tone of voice.  
Will snorted. "That's how you walk." With his head up high and his arms stiff by his sides Jack minced over to where Will was sitting and snatched his hat back.  
"Any better?" he asked concernedly. Will shrugged.  
"I think it will improve when you've slept your hangover out. Though, judging by the amount of days you've been drunk for that's going to be hard."  
"Now, Will. about this whole no rum thing. We can discuss this like adults?" Will fixed him with a glare. He backed off. "Fine, fine. And no whores either?" They both shook their heads slowly.  
"What got you into this mess in the first place?" Will asked. A slow smile spread across the pirates face. At the sight of their faces it vanished.  
"That would be. er. a life of crime, piracy and no morals which I have now relinquished?" Will laughed.  
"Where did all those long words come from?"  
Jack pointed. "'Lizbeth."  
"Ah." Will paused. "And another thing, Jack, you speak like you're drunk all the time." Jack sighed.  
"Like I said, mate, I am -"  
"Yes," Will interrupted, "but not anymore. So you're going to have to talk properly."  
"And properly is."  
Will hesitated. "um." Elizabeth came to his rescue.  
"Properly is pronunciating all the words." She said, speaking slowly and clearly for his benefit.  
"Oh, I see." Jack mimicked. "But isn't it also talking like  
this with your mouth open just a little bit and hardly moving your  
lips at all?" They both glared at him. He cowered. "Terribly sorry,  
old chaps. Wont do it again."  
"One important thing to know." Elizabeth warned, "Is don't mock the British people. There are a lot of us here." Jack nodded.  
"I know. I wont." 


	7. The Wedding

"Let's go through this one more time, okay Jack?"  
Jack rolled his eyes and nodded. "Okay... The golden rule is..."  
Will nodded encouragingly.  
"I will no' never ever drink rum, 'cept at weekends, an' never in excess."  
Will smiled. "Good! And why's that?"  
Jack sighed. "I don' know... Ye like to torture me?"  
"No, actually, alcohol in excess can damage your liver and heart and cause you to act foolishly and irresponsibly. That is, more than usual."  
Jack nodded. "That's exactly what I meant. Ye took th' very words right out of me mouth."  
"Of course."  
"You know wha', Will."  
Will waited  
"I am goin' to have th' mother of all headaches when I sober up fer the firs' time in..." He thought, "Twen'y years?"  
"Twenty years?" Will repeated, incredulous. Jack nodded. "Well, you'll have learnt a very valuable lesson."  
"Yes, never ever trust Will, an'... Once ye're drunk, stay drunk. How long till the weekend?"  
  
***  
Jack looked up from the book he was pretending to be reading and guiltily shoved a bottle of rum under a cushion. Will frowned.  
"Jack..." Jack sighed and handed it over.  
"Did you pay for that?" Will asked. Jack looked sheepish.  
"I... er... the market... That is to say... Um... Yes...?" Will raised an eyebrow.  
"Anyway, me and Elizabeth are going out for the evening." Jack nodded. "So please, stay here and don't do anything stupid. And look after Baby."  
Jack looked insulted. "O' course I will! What kin' a man do ye think I am?" Will looked sceptical.  
"The kind of man who has another three bottles of rum hidden in his room?" Jack sighed.  
"Ye have no trust in me, lad. I'll look after her, okay?" The men raised their heads to see Elizabeth sauntering elegantly down the stairs in a bosom-enhancing dress and inexplicable shoes. Jack began to wolf- whistle, but thought better of it when Will glared at him. "So what's the occasion?"  
Elizabeth smiled. "Oh hello Jack. Commodore Norrington's getting married." Jack smirked.  
"So who's the, shall I say lucky, lady?"  
"Oh, my cousin. Eleanor."  
"How stupid would ye' 'ave t' be to agree to marry 'im?"  
Elizabeth frowned. "Remember who you're talking to, Jack." She smiled ironically. "It's a smart match. I do pity her though, she hasn't even met him yet."  
"She hasn' met him?"  
"No, she heard a rich Commodore was up for grabs and jumped at the chance. They've been corresponding by letter for the last few months."  
Jack nodded. "I see."  
"Not the cleverest of girls, my cousin. Very beautiful, mind. I dare say James will be quite satisfied. Perhaps Eleanor will be slightly less enthusiastic about him."  
Jack looked up hopefully. "So, a wedding then. I love weddings. Am I invited?"  
"No." Said Will and Elizabeth firmly.  
"Can' I come?"  
"No."  
He glowered at them. "Fine." He said sulkily. Will rolled his eyes and turned to Elizabeth.  
"Shall we go, darling?" She nodded. "See you later, Jack. And behave, please." They turned to go and luckily missed the face Jack made at their backs, and the gesture which accompanied it.  
  
***  
  
"Don' leave the 'ouse, Jack." Jack walked up and down the living- room, mimicking Will furiously. "Don' drink any rum, Jack, and cu' off all yer hair. Wha' do they think I am?" Baby, who was being carried about, gurgled happily. "I know!" Jack agreed. "I shouldn't listen to them." Baby smiled and waved her arms around.  
"Need Wum." She giggled. Jack nodded.  
"Me too, Baby." Looking out the window, he smiled as the sun came out from behind a cloud. "Why don't we go for a walk, then. See if we can find some wum, eh?"  
  
***  
  
"Dearly beloved" droned the minister. "We are gathered here today..." Elizabeth sighed and shut her eyes. Weddings were boring. And when she thought that it could have been here up there, looking like a wedding cake and simpering at Norrington's side. Well, she was glad she had Will. She gave his hand a squeeze. He, however, wasn't looking at the ceremony. He was frowning out the window.  
"What is it?" she whispered in his ear. He turned.  
"Oh, nothing." He said vaguely. "Just, well, I thought I saw –" the door to the church opened and Jack minced in, smiling, with Baby on his shoulders. "Jack and Baby wandering around outside..." Will finished weakly. Elizabeth groaned. Spotting the couple Jack smiled and waved. "Oh dear." Will sighed. "He's seen us."  
"Mr. Turner!" Norrington barked imperiously. "What is the meaning of this?" Will shrugged helplessly. "Please remove this man." Jack turned.  
"Remove me? Why, I've come all this way t' see me good pal the Commodore and I aint even allowed into 'is wedding? Don' mind me, James, I won' interrupt you."  
"It seems." Norrington said icily. "You already have." The minister looked confused.  
"Should I continue...?"  
"Get on with it." Norrington snapped. "I do, and all that." Next to him his bride looked close to tears. "And why is that man still here?" Baby started to cry. "What is that?"  
Jack looked up from the child in his hands. "Oh, sorry. This is Baby, me daughter. Baby, this is Norrington. 'E shouts a lot and kills pirates fer a living. Ye can throw up on 'im if ye want." Will tried not to laugh.  
"Arrest this man!" Norrington yelled furiously. Jack grinned.  
"Ye'll 'ave te catch me firs'." Clutching Baby in his arms, he ran out of the church, grabbing a bottle of champagne from the shelf near the door as he went. Baby squealed with excitement as Jack ran along the street, arms waving wildly, and turned around a corner to pause in a dark alley. "Shh..." he whispered. "Gotta keep quiet." Looking around warily, he cautiously walked to the other end of the alley and swore violently under his breath. "Soldiers down that way, how'd they get down there?" Baby whimpered and Jack swore again. "No, no Baby, ye got t' stay quiet. Jus' for a little bit longer, shh..." Baby screwed up her face and started to scream. "No!" Jack waved his arms frantically. "Please, jus' shut up." She cried louder. "Come on now Baby, Shh... Shh..." It was no use, the soldiers were already closing in. "Bloody 'ell." He groaned. Making a last, desperate chance to escape, he started to climb the wall, but it was no use. Dropping back to the ground, he looked at the unfriendly faces of the soldiers and smiled helplessly. "Can I 'elp you, gentlemen?"  
"Get the child." Norrington ordered in a bored voice. Jack gasped.  
  
"No." He offered his wrists. "Leave 'er. Take me. She aint done nothing wrong." Norrington rolled his eyes. One of the soldiers roughly prised Baby from Jack's clutches. With a grim smile, the Commodore clicked handcuffs in place around Jack's arms.  
"Jack Sparrow, Pirate, you are under arrest. And I don't intend to let you go this time."  
  
A/N Sorry it's taken me so long to get a chapter up! I hope it won't be too long before the next one ( Also, I'm looking for a beta for my upcoming fics, so please get in touch if you're interested ^_^ 


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